Me being the cynical chap I am, I would’ve thought that the last thing Finnish telly deserved at the moment was another event full of back-slapping pomp and self-congratulatory nonsense. Why? ‘Cos about 95 per cent of Finnish-produced telly is pants. However, since no-one listens to me (probably a good thing in the eyes of most of humanity) that was exactly what we got last weekend when the unadventurously-named ‘Golden TV Gala’ was shown on MTV3. Presented by Jani Toivola and Krisse Salminen it was as reassuringly dull and – dare I say it – amateurish as always. Luckily it was only 90 minutes long, but that was more than enough.

Essentially the format was identical to every other awards show but with some uniquely Finnish touches. The guests were seated at long tables which made them all look like first-years at an introductory Hogwarts dinner. The décor was vomit-inducing gold lamé everywhere. The applause was as hilariously regimented as only Finns can make it (‘3, 2, 1, clap with metronomic regularity…NOW!’). And so on. Needless to say the majority of winners barely deserve a kick in the butt, never mind any kind of award. Prime example: best entertainment or music program was Talent Suomi a.k.a. Finland’s Got Talent. I mean, what? This is the ‘most entertaining’ show on national TV? Demonstrating the best of Finland’s vast array of musical talent, was it? Gimme a break.

Since most of the awards were nominated from within the industry it’s not much of a surprise that they weren’t very good. I’m rather tempted to place a bet on the God-awful Make Up! winning something next year – it’s so bad it’s practically a shoe-in for some gong or other, especially since it’s also co-hosted by that Toivola bloke. By far the most deserving winner was Madventures, which won best TV-show as voted for by the public, along with Riku Rantala from the same show winning best male presenter. This provides some evidence that the TV-viewing public have a much better sense of quality than the cretins who actually make the shows. Even the other nominees for best program – Duudsonit and Kadonneen Jäljilla are significantly more entertaining than the rest of the tripe on offer, even though the latter is yet another foreign format adapted to Finnish TV.

Anyhoo, not everything is gloom and doom on our schedules, since a rather nifty new series has started on Nelonen. It’s not Finnish, obviously, but is one more imported U.S. drama series. Flash Forward (Thursdays at 9 p.m.) started last week with a very Lost-esque premier episode. The basic plot: everyone on earth loses consciousness at the same time one day. Those who survived the inevitable plane crashes, explosions and general chaos realise that they all, for two minutes, had visions of the same date six months in the future. But why? What does it all mean? Why that date? How did it happen? Who is responsible? And who is that shifty-looking man filmed on CCTV walking around when the entire population of the planet is unconcscious? Spooky stuff to be sure, and as long as it doesn’t turn into a massive bore-fest like Lost eventually did, I’ll be tuning in to find out.

Nick Barlow