Apparently the Autumn is cooking season on telly, and in keeping with their passion for importing foreign shows and then making a Finnish version of them, Nelonen deliver to us Neljän tähden illallinen a.k.a. Four-star Dinner (times vary). This show is an adaptation of the imported, and in my opinion superior, series Come Dine With Me. The idea behind the latter show, currently being broadcast daily on Nelonen’s competitor Liv as Arvostele mun illallinen, is that four or five regular folk – actually “amateur chefs”, i.e. regular folk who think they can cook – are asked to prepare a meal for each other to take place in their own homes.

It’s getting hard to make cookery interesting, mainly due to the massive glut of food-related programmes we currently have on our screens, so the creators of this show, which was originally broadcast in 2005, came up with a rather cunning combo of laughing at what could loosely be called “reality” TV contestants along with sneering at their hapless efforts in the kitchen.

A lot of people on Come Dine with Me get a bit over-excited in a situation where you surely want to minimise the number of things that could get burnt, be over cooked, or cause food poisoning. They attempt to create soufflés, flambé and home-made mayonnaise where some dips and crudities would surely suffice. Naturally the producers throw in some wild cards – the presence of vegetarians and vegans is on the one hand fair enough and on the other hand good news for viewers who want to see inter-culinary warfare erupt. Presumably everyone is told of their guests eating preferences beforehand yet they seem strangely clueless as to how they should accommodate them.

The participants are given points by their contemporaries based not only on the food that is served but the ambience and their hospitality, so everyone makes an effort to do up their houses. Tables are set as if the Queen was coming to dinner; champagne (or at least something alcoholic and sparkling) is served in flute glasses; occasionally ball gowns are worn by the too-enthusiastic.

Since everyone is supposed to be normal, situations are contrived such as in last week’s episode where a straight-talking Londoner was visiting a millionaire’s wife for supper in her massive house. Straight-talker was served Beef Wellington, and when asked if she’d like anything else said that she loves a bit of horseradish sauce, and could Millionaire’s Wife serve her Wellington well-done? Cue cut-away to distressed face of Wife and a short interview of her bemoaning the uncouthness of her guests – admittedly with a smile on her face that suggested she was still enjoying herself.

Nelonen’s version of this show has basically the same formula just with none of the charm. For a start the guests aren’t regular people at all but the usual shower of nobodies that pass for D-list celebrities in this country, and as such have as much personality as shopping TV presenters. The conversation is as dull as dishwater, and to be honest the food isn’t very interesting either. Everyone’s so keen on not being rude that they don’t say anything interesting, and have a bad time doing it. The most entertaining thing to do is to see which of them have the worst table manners.

Personally I’m looking forward to Top Chef Suomi which is compèred by Hans Välimäki, head chef at the Michelin-starred Chez Dominique and presumably someone who knows what he’s talking about.

Nick Barlow