MEGHAN SMITH is an English teacher and holds Spanish and journalism degrees from the University of Texas at Austin. She considers herself a New Orleans native, and a “New Finn”.

The Finns can be generally described as quite efficient in their designs and processes, as well as quite detail orientated. While there may be exceptions – well, these stereotypes do come from somewhere – they also tend to be quite open regarding the human body, its functions and nudity. This is especially true compared with those coming from a conservative or traditional culture. It can all feel a bit unnerving before the liberating feeling finally emerges.

Consider the various types of locks and door handles (or more like lack of door handles) that led to my almost two years of announcing to people that I was going to use their toilet. You see, I figured that after countless times of public urination in parks and bushes in the Helsinki area, even once during Naisten Kymppi, right off the side of the trail, that Finns were just so open about these matters that locks on bathroom doors were pretty much unnecessary and non-existent.

Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned (the hard way): If a bajamaja door is open at the mökki, do NOT approach. This means that someone is using it, such as someone’s deaf grandfather reading his morning paper on the john who will simulate having a heart attack when you walk in on him during his private time.

Also, when you are out in the forest and you feel the call of nature, take care, ladies, to watch out for the devilish little plant called a nettle. Trust me, try not to squat in it. Oh, and mind the fast, swarming forest ants, which can climb the length of your leg in about two blinks of an eye, all 2,000 of them.

There are various levels of efficiency with door handles in Finland. Do not assume that there is no lock, just because you don’t see one. As for me, holding the door closed while trying to relieve myself at loud parties, eventually just didn’t work out. Even when I told people, “Hey guys, going to use the ladies room!” Because, you see, what appeared to be a mere door handle, with a swift flick of the wrist in an upwards direction, can also serve as a lock. Voila! I didn’t figure that out until a couple looking for a private place walked in on me at a pikkujoulu party last year. Luckily, I doubt they remember. But they did teach me a valuable lesson. I am still mortified by the experience. I figured that the only bathroom doors with locks in the country were the ones that a red dial appeared if someone was inside, like the ones in Stockmann, merely out of consideration for customers.

There are also doors that appear to have no door handle. Often they will have a keyhole. Thus, only someone with a key has the privilege of a “turn-key solution.” Your key literally becomes the door handle, but these tend to be used for front doors, I haven’t seen a bathroom door quite like this yet.

Finally, once you do feel comfortable with the very natural act of group urination outside in semi-public places, do not attempt to do it outside Finland – especially in places where you can be arrested for doing so, where you could possibly get a half-hour lecture from your mother about being more civilised and not behaving like an animal, or in places where you could possibly be executed for exposing your unmentionables.