James Meek is from a farm in a small country town in Victoria, Australia. He holds a journalism and public relations degree and has recently moved to Finland. He hasn’t mastered the language just yet.

I would just like to say in my defense that the Australian accent was never designed to speak Finnish. We have been unashamedly butchering the English language with our unique “twang” for the last 200 years, so the Finnish language doesn’t really stand a chance. I have also read that Finnish is the second hardest language to learn behind Chinese. I believe it. I have at times tried to speak Finnish. It’s just that when I do I am either greeted by a blank stare, or at worst, by fits of laughter at my pronunciation.

I realise that no language is impossible to learn. It’s just that you Finns do something that I think is a little unfair for the unsuspecting Aussie. You roll your Rs. Now I have practiced this. I have twisted, turned and strained my tongue in every possible way but to no avail. My tongue simply won’t do this. The best I can do is a guttural sound out the back of my throat that I’m assured by Finns is not correct. Their laughter seems to insinuate that I may not even be that close.

But it’s more than just words like traktori that are scary. Even the way Finns speak is different. We Australian’s have the habit of running all our words together. Finnish on the other hand is a phonetic language. You not only pronounce every single word, you pronounce every single syllable. I have to unlearn 26 years of saying Howyougoingmate? Whatsbeenhappening?, and learn to break a word into small parts. I still think it is slightly ridiculous and asking a bit much though when I have to try and manage a 27 letter word like appelsiinimehujuomatiiviste – or orange cordial to the rest of us. I mean come on, that’s just trying to put me off.

I believe the Finns actually love their language being so hard to learn. Let’s face it, Finns have a slightly twisted sense of humour. Most I have met love messing with the minds of foreigners with the tricks of the languages. When you ask a Finnish person what’s the translation of a word, most will do their best to ensure that by the time they have explained it, and the 18 different endings to the word depending on the circumstances, you are so confused you have no chance of remembering what it is you asked in the first place.

I want to learn Finnish. I think it is rude to come to a country for a prolonged period of time and not at least try to speak the language. I have met foreigners who have been here for years and still can’t speak more than a handful of words. Their theory is basic. Almost everyone in Finland can speak English so why bother? I must admit in my darkest hours these thoughts have crept into my mind. However, I am determined not to fall into this trap. I plan to stop procrastinating and enroll in a beginners Finnish course, I intend practicing rolling my Rs and speaking the language wherever possible, and above all, I have every intention of avoiding my Finnish “friends” who take so much joy listening to me butcher the Finnish language as well.